Four words: Bed. Bugs. Oh. F***.

My husband is getting me drunk right now. He just refilled my wine glass for a the second time. On a Monday night. "Why?" you might ask. Because he loves me and he knows that the idea of crawling into our bed tonight makes me want to cry....and vomit. Or vomit and then cry. WE HAVE BED BUGS. And the exterminator can't come until Thursday because they are getting up to "15 bed bug calls a day," at this point.

How in the world did we get bed bugs?!" you might also ask. I have a job that requires that I make home visits to some not so savory apartment buildings. As near as I can figure I must have had a nasty little stowaway hitch a ride on my clothes or bag or something. I could also blame this whole nightmare on hubris as I was feeling quite untouchable in the face of the recent bed bug hysteria/media scare. I thought "we live in a house now, we're safe" and "I don't take public transportation anymore so we don't need to worry about bed bugs,". The universe answered me with a resounding "WRONG."

You may also wonder A.) How we figured it out and B.) Why do you have to sleep in your yucky bed bug bed until Thursday? In answer to A.) Matt started to notice yucky bites on his torso (I had bites too but mine just looked like a slight rash because I am not as allergic as he is) last week. He started doing some research on the internet and realized it might be bed bugs. We searched our room and mattress and eventually found a few "nymph" bedbugs and a bed bug husk (they shed their skin). We proceeded to clean the bed room: spray rubbing alcohol all over the place, vacuum everything and wash everything in hot, hot water. We also bought impenetrable covers for the mattresses and pillows (if any bed bugs are in the mattress or pillows they are trapped and starve to death....in about 18 months!!!). Unfortunately, Matt still woke up with bites this morning :( In answer to B.) If we go sleep upstairs in the guest bed they will just go after William (our 13 month old son) in the next room and follow us upstairs/spread. So, we need to stay put and suck it up (get it?! bed bug humor!) in an effort to keep them contained/centralized and away from our baby! Needless to say this is a disgusting thought - thus, the wine. Just the thought of 3 more nights of being bed bug meat and 3 more nights of egg laying and hatching. YUCK! It makes me want to cry and vomit. Or vomit and cry. Either way: DISGUSTING. So, Dear Readers, be happy that not matter how bad your day may have been at least you don't have bed bugs!