Compared to Cancer and Meningitis things aren't so bad! AKA Happy Holidays! Post

So I recently deleted my last post because it was mostly a crybaby monologue, be it a funny one (thanks, Nathan & Susie!). I also got a very healthy dose of reality immediately following it's publication. I learned that a dear friend was in the hospital with viral meningitis and that my stepfather might have either liver or pancreatic cancer (luckily, it turns out neither). My petty complaints suddenly seemed exceedingly petty indeed. It is hard not feel like an asshole complaining about work stress, PMS, lack of sleep and on going bed bug worries when you are confronted with truly horrific news of loved one's real misfortunes. That being said I will simply bid you all Happy Holidays and Happy Solstice! I will post more soon when it is not such a mad frenzy of gift buying/wrapping and Christmas Eve dinner planning. We will be having 8 people over for Christmas Eve dinner at our very small house. In attendance will be my hubby's 90 year old Grandmother and my brother's 21 year old stripper girlfriend. Should make for quite a lively evening and an interesting follow-up blog post! So, stay tuned and ENJOY your holiday traditions with your friends and family. "Faithful friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more,".

Four words: Bed. Bugs. Oh. F***.

My husband is getting me drunk right now. He just refilled my wine glass for a the second time. On a Monday night. "Why?" you might ask. Because he loves me and he knows that the idea of crawling into our bed tonight makes me want to cry....and vomit. Or vomit and then cry. WE HAVE BED BUGS. And the exterminator can't come until Thursday because they are getting up to "15 bed bug calls a day," at this point.

How in the world did we get bed bugs?!" you might also ask. I have a job that requires that I make home visits to some not so savory apartment buildings. As near as I can figure I must have had a nasty little stowaway hitch a ride on my clothes or bag or something. I could also blame this whole nightmare on hubris as I was feeling quite untouchable in the face of the recent bed bug hysteria/media scare. I thought "we live in a house now, we're safe" and "I don't take public transportation anymore so we don't need to worry about bed bugs,". The universe answered me with a resounding "WRONG."

You may also wonder A.) How we figured it out and B.) Why do you have to sleep in your yucky bed bug bed until Thursday? In answer to A.) Matt started to notice yucky bites on his torso (I had bites too but mine just looked like a slight rash because I am not as allergic as he is) last week. He started doing some research on the internet and realized it might be bed bugs. We searched our room and mattress and eventually found a few "nymph" bedbugs and a bed bug husk (they shed their skin). We proceeded to clean the bed room: spray rubbing alcohol all over the place, vacuum everything and wash everything in hot, hot water. We also bought impenetrable covers for the mattresses and pillows (if any bed bugs are in the mattress or pillows they are trapped and starve to death....in about 18 months!!!). Unfortunately, Matt still woke up with bites this morning :( In answer to B.) If we go sleep upstairs in the guest bed they will just go after William (our 13 month old son) in the next room and follow us upstairs/spread. So, we need to stay put and suck it up (get it?! bed bug humor!) in an effort to keep them contained/centralized and away from our baby! Needless to say this is a disgusting thought - thus, the wine. Just the thought of 3 more nights of being bed bug meat and 3 more nights of egg laying and hatching. YUCK! It makes me want to cry and vomit. Or vomit and cry. Either way: DISGUSTING. So, Dear Readers, be happy that not matter how bad your day may have been at least you don't have bed bugs!

The State O' My Union

The weird thing about getting married so fast is that you don’t really have a frame of reference for a lot things about your partner because you are still learning about each other/getting to really know each other in certain ways. This is good and bad. It is kind of exciting and exhausting to think that we still have so much to learn about each other. Even just learning how to negotiate each other’s moods and feelings and fighting styles is a bit of mystery sometimes. For example do you push a topic or give someone space when they seem like they don’t want to talk about something? Some people need to be pushed to get things out, some people will come back to you to talk about a painful/loaded subject after having a little time to sort it out in their own head. Sometimes it can go either way. I know that for myself – sometimes I need to be pushed and sometimes I need space. I also know that being married also lends a certain gravity to things – like I don’t ever want to let anything fester because I can see how easily it can happened and being really lifelong committed to someone means you have to work harder on things even if you don’t always want to. I know that in my single days relationships ended because communication stopped and the relationship either didn’t seem worth the trouble of digging things up or neither one of us had the balls to do it. I also don’t ever want to take my husband for granted or be taken for granted because I again can see how easily it can happen and it can be death to a relationship. I want this ship to last to weather all the storms and palmy weather in the future. The rest-of-our- lives-future is a tall order and a scary thing but also well worth the work.

Gratitude List

This weekend I attended a conference for work. One of the break out sessions I went to mentioned a study in which a group of test subjects were asked to think of a few things that they were grateful for before going to bed each night. The results of the study showed decreased sleep problems, including nightmares and general increased feeling of life satisfaction. This got me thinking that maybe I should start a gratitude list journal. I have been meaning to get back to journaling and this seems like a good reason to start. I could just list 1 - 5 things that I am thankful for each might before bed. So, on that note, here are a few things I have been thinking of in no particular order:
1. My awesome husband
2. My amazing son
3. My home
4. Sunday night Inspector Lewis on PBS
5. Hot showers every morning - what a first world luxury this is!
6. Ground Hog Day - really! it's very existence makes me happy because it is just so odd and pagan in this technological, ideological world that we live in.
7. Autumn
8. Seeing movies in a movie theater
9. My friends - new and old
10. The ocean
Once I started going I couldn't stop at just 5. My list is all over the place but once I started thinking of what I was grateful for my mind went all over. You should try it! I think that I/you/we all could have a lot of fun thinking up even just one thing a day that I/you/we are grateful for. Give it a try, it is scientifically proven to improve you sleep and chase away those nightmares too!

One glorious, terrifying year!

We recently celebrated William's 1st birthday - a little early because we will be camping this weekend with a few other families. I can hardly believe it has been a year already! Who can believe it is September already?! This time last year I was so uncomfortable and really ready to get the whole giving birth over already but scared to death about it too. I ended up being partially induced because I was a week over my due date. I say 'partially' because when I went in, a little after midnight on Sept 4th, 2009, I was already having contractions. They weren't very close together but too close for them to give me the medication to get things really rolling. I ultimately had a very speedy and uncomplicated delivery almost 24 hours later. When it finally happened ("transition" they call it) it was so fast there wasn't time for an epidural. I was happy about that after the fact because I had wanted to avoid it. At the time I would have had it if I could have: OUCH!

So, here we are one year later with an amazing, beautiful, happy, funny, bouncing (and walking) baby boy. He is also very flirtatious! He loves the pretty girls in the grocery store or wherever else we go. He really just loves people. When he was learning to walk he would walk right up (with Matt or I attached by his little hands grasping our fingers for balance) to strangers' tables in restaurants and smile up at people. This would force Matt and I to be way more socialable than we wanted to be. He certainly has changed our lives completely!

SO, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LITTLE BUDDY! WE LOVE YOU!

"LIBERALISM IS A MENTAL DISORDER" - Freedom of Speech, Intolerance and the Dogma of Ignorance all speeding by at 70 miles an hour.....

Yesterday while driving home I let a pick-up truck in with the above message plastered in 6" high letters on the back window of his truck. I thought a lot about this. First I was angry and feeling completely intolerant myself - this made me wonder if tolerance is just an illusion. It also got me thinking about freedom of speech and I tried to remind myself that this is a very GOOD thing no matter how it may used by people who's opinions are completely different than my own. Last, I started thinking about the Dogma of Ignorance, of course in order for it to be considered "dogma" the ignorant would have to consider themselves a group. I don't think it is the idea of ignorance that these people would consider their shared group commonality. I certainly do. I also found it somewhat amusing and infuriating that Mr. Pick-up Truck used "mental disorder". I wondered if it was the first time in his life he actually used (or in this case misused) a modern and semi-politically correct term instead of a slur to describe people he hated for whatever reason. Ultimately, I just came to the conclusion that I don't understand this country anymore. Frankly, I can't relate to these scared, ignorant, hateful people who seem to be hell bent on spreading their hatred and intolerance while promoting the agenda of a political power that is all about protecting the interests of the conservative rich and could care less about "Joe Six Pack" beyond manipulating him to gain power. It exhausts me and depresses me anymore. I am all for fighting the good fight but it seems like such a fruitless battle at this point. There is no reasoning with ignorant intolerance and blind hatred which makes me just feel sad.... I recently met a Reformed Angry Young Man on a flight to Denver. His advice was to stop watching the news. At the time I wasn't so sure about this plan, it seemed like shirking some kind of social responsibility to at least be aware of the what is going on in the world around us. I am starting to think that maybe he was right.

Love is in the Air....in Denver

I recently returned from a trip to Denver, CO for the wedding of a dear old friend from college. It was lovely....mostly. My friend Susie and I were the bridesmaids. We got the shared experience of getting to wear yellow bridesmaid dresses and feel like we had displeased the bride in some way the whole time. The highlight was our shared insecurity - it's sounds weird but it is suddenly not so bad when you find out you aren't the only one. I have also looked up to and admired Susie since we were in college. It was refreshing to learn that the coolest girl I know sometimes feels like a ball of insecurity herself. Who knew?

It's like a disease....

We live in a consumer driven culture. I know this. It sort of disgusts me a lot of time yet that doesn't see to stop me from wanting to shop it up. It is a problem and has been so on and off for some time. I don't know if it the fact that I am allowing myself to become just another docile sheep with a credit card in the monster Capitalist System or that I have been programed to want to BUY BUY BUY BUY or that I do such a bad job of stopping myself most of the time that bothers me most. Where is my self control? Am I really going to let these marketing fucks manipulate me into buying crap I don't need so that some devil corporation can rake in a little more cash? I realize I am being a bit mellow dramatic and over simplifying things. I do realize that my little excursions support the local economy and help provide needed jobs to people in my community. It still makes me sick that I now have a baby son but I still spend my money on garbage from Target and have practically no savings to speak of as a result. But who's fault is that really?

Homeward Bound and Back Again

"We might as well have gone to Panama," was my husband's brief and perfect summary of our latest trip to the Midwest to visit my family.  It was hot and humid (90 degrees and 100 percent humidity - or at least it felt that way) and the mosquitoes were HUGE.  We also ate a lot of food that we don't normally have at home - tons of red meat and starches which is just what you want when it is too hot to move.  Thank God for air conditioning, chilled white wine and Pepto.

Planting Seeds

Yesterday I planted seeds for the first time in my life. I mean this in the most literal sense as I have planted an abundance of figurative seeds over the past year. They seem to be growing..... These figurative seeds have been marriage, home and family. The literal seeds were: chamomile, bergamont and holly hox. I married a beekeeper farmer last July and have been recently quite pleased to discover that I am really starting to get into this whole gardening thing. I have always had many houseplants that I have mostly managed to keep alive. I have planted pots with flowers for the minimal 'outside' areas I have had during my many years of apartment living (with very sad results). I never tried to grow anything I could actually eat and never started with the seeds of anything ever. Really, the mind boggles when you hold these minuscule things in the palm of your hand. I look forward to watching them grow....